Being born as humans and growing up has been quite like a roller-coaster. We all got introduced to different people, things, places, learned something new each day, improvised on ourselves and it continues.
Today, we have a very interesting book to share with you all: How to win friends and influence people. A book by Dale Carnegie. It is one of the greatest books of all time. Why? Because it has been in print for over 80 years now. It was released in the year 1936 and has sold over 20 million copies all over the world which makes it one of the greatest best sellers.
This book contains timeless wisdom on getting people to like you, teaching us how to build life-long friendships and relationships. Also, one of the most important things that we get to learn from this book is to lead, inspire and influence people.
This book is one of the top book recommendations in the field of personal growth and development. In this article, we are going to read about the 9 most important things that we get to learn from this book.
Give people a fine reputation to live up to and make sure you do it genuinely and not as an act of manipulation. For example, my mother who is trying to learn and speak the English language goes to my father as tries to speak in English which is not perfect, in return, my father asks her to stop speaking in a language that she cannot speak in and mocks her, she gets demotivated and comes to me, where I, speak to her in the same language and inspire her to learn the language by telling her that she has been the hero of my life, and I am here because of her. This indirectly motivates her to learn a new language and that she can live up to that reputation. This is a basic example that Dale Carnegie states in this book. If someone is not able to do something as per your expectations, encourage them to do well in whatever they are doing. It will help them grow.
This is a general philosophy that people are a lot more interested in themselves and their problems than in you and yours. If you want people to like you, get them to talk about themselves. Be a good listener first, then a speaker.
For instance, you and your friend are from different businesses and you meet up on a fine day and discuss the same, you ask your friend about his business and get into a deeper conversation about this business, in the end, he’d ask you about yours and you tell him, this is how interesting conversations happen. If you keep talking about your own business, he might feel a little disconnected. Let others talk, this will lead to two things, first, the person will start liking you, second, they will begin to trust you.
As Dale Carnegie quotes – “You will make more friends in 2 months by being genuinely interested in other people than in 2 years to make people interested in you”. If you become a good listener and seem interested in others, they will open up and be frank with you about their thoughts and ideas. It will help you to learn about the person’s concerns and address them in that manner.
Do not get into any heated arguments, that will only lead to pushing people away from you. Don’t resist people. Agree with the person’s point and then place your thoughts. As soon as you start agreeing with someone, there is no more resistance from the person. If you agree to something, there will be no argument left from the other side. You are free to present your ideas related to the topic.
One of the most powerful ways to win people is by appealing to the part of them that wants to do good. Appeal to the nobler motives like honesty, fairness, and doing good and you will win people to your way of thinking, also, influence them.
This is a fundamental principle. Instead of forcing someone to get or do something, offer them alternatives that will create interest in them to do something. Talk in terms of another person’s interests, not yours. Talk about the benefits and advantages that others will receive from you. Question yourself about what others want and what they are interested in. Find ways to provide them with what they want. Dale Carnegie says – “Talking in terms of others’ interests, that is the royal road to a persons’ heart”.
We often talk to others about all the amazing things happening with and around us. As individuals, we try to make ourselves feel important in front of others and it makes us self-absorbed. If we want to get people to like us, we must make them feel important. The desire to feel important is the most basic urge of human nature. One must feed that desire to others and not ourselves.
Why does asking questions seem better?
A. It makes others feel important; the most powerful; law of human nature
B. It saves their pride; it doesn’t make others feel like they’re treated like servants.
People are much more likely to follow through on something if they have a hand in the conception of that thing.
This is a meta-level principle, a foundation of this whole book. When you genuinely like someone, only then you will be able to make friends, inspire and motivate others and influence them. Only when you show interest in others, do they show interest in you. Like others for what they are, with their flaws because you might have some flaws too which they like about you. Be kind and generous to others, it will make you and the other person a better human.
These were 9 basic principles from the book – “How to win friends and influence people”.
We hope you enjoyed reading this one, stay tuned for more such book recommendations and other learnings from Book A Workshop.
Enjoy your life to the fullest!